Gnaw your own leg off

What you are about to read may shock, revolt, disgust, and even horrify you. If you are faint of heart, squeamish, or even have a tendency to become lightheaded, then this week's episode is NOT for you. Please, for the love of corndogs, do something else. Turn on Fox, listen to CNN, browse the BBC website, read War and Peace in the original Russian, listen to P.D.Q. Bach's inanely dull, quasi-dramaturgical, oratorio-opera, "Oedipus Tex", or gnaw the legs off of your kitchen table.

Real funny. Ha ha.

Saturday night I found myself stuffing the laundry in the washer and dryer while my 4 year old gave Declan a bath. Now, before you call protective services, there is a madness to my method. They were both sitting right next to me and I had one eye on the Jack-Jack  doppelganger and another on the 4 year old, who was eagerly cleaning off the Jack-Jack doppelganger. The reason he was in the tub was because he was so tired that we thought a bath would calm him down...and because of the "incident" moments before.

Friday a bother? NEVER!

I didn’t have any funny Friday experiences this week and I didn’t have one the Friday before that. But I did have one the Friday before that one. That Friday morning was a normal Friday morning. Except for the weather forecast on NPR. I should have listened. I should have let the annoying liberal hosts wake me up with their pseudo-intellectual, soothing voices (Thus and foretowith the problem is eminently composed of excessively difficult and challenging questions)  and odd references to their latest fund-raiser cause (We’re just $50 dollars away from our goal of $50 dollars for Donuts for Benny the dog – Animals are people too). 

Another Friday...another drama

Friday, I think, is just the day for weird things to happen on the Subway. I'm not really sure why, but I'm noticing a pattern emerge here on Fridays. Though this time the weird experience was a little less on the "scam" end of the spectrum, and more on the downright heart-racing side.

First off, I must issue a disclaimer; I am not and have not been threatened. That being said, this was a weird Friday subway experience. I think it goes something like this:

9:00 AM, Friday Morning? No problem

Friday was a very interesting day. Why? Well, originally I intended to be at work a few minutes early, but, as later events unfolded, this turned out to be somewhat impossible. I'll explain.

I got up with plenty of time to get out the door and be to the train station before the 7:38 express to Grand Central took off, but, as I am learning, it takes a minute to get the two kiddos out the door with me. Why do I want them to come with me to the train station? Well, parking costs $8.00 a day, which is $160 a month, which is absurd when I have to pay $293 for an on peak ticket plus $80 for subway fare. So Becky and I have agreed that it is better for her to have the car during the day and not let it sit in a parking garage costing us more money. Ergo I have to get my kids in the car as I get out the door to leave.